My Ideal Guy

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1. He is musically inclined.

My ideal guy would be musically inclined. Show me a guy that can sing and play the instrument well and I will be his right then and there. Who wouldn’t fall in love with a guy that can sing to a girl?

2. He Can Cook

My ideal guy would be a good cook. One way to my heart is through my stomach. If a guy can cook me good food then I’m one step closer to falling in love with him.

3.  He Has A Good Heart

Seriously, if a guy has a good heart makes him so much more attractive to me. I’d like to think I have a good heart too, and I can’t stand it when guys are just jerks to other people. I want a guy that will give me his jacket when I’m cold, is willing to help me babysit my family’s little ones, and would help an old lady cross the street.

4. He Loves Me

I don’t think I need to explain this one.

 

Is it too hard to ask for a guy with all these qualities? I’m not asking for a god, or for a guy to be super hot and popular and all those other cliches. I just want a good guy who can cook and sing for me. I really hope that’s not asking for too much.

So my ideal guy, if you’re out there somewhere, come find me.

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5 Things that Makes Me Happy

1. Stormy Days and Sunny Days

I know everyone can relate to sunny days making them feel happy. It’s like, when the sun is shining you kind of imitate the weather, and so you become sort of a sunshine when the sun is out. But when its stormy, I get happy too. It kind of reassures me. It’s as if the weather is letting me know that things won’t always be just bright and dandy; things can get chaotic too, with the wind blowing everywhere and the clouds hovering over warning everyone that a storm is here. But despite that there is a storm, the day will come that the sun will shine again, we just have to be patient. It’s that thought about a storm that makes me happy.

2. Random Texts

Whether it be a simple “Hello” or a whole paragraph, a text will always make me smile. It tells me that for some apparent reason I am important enough in your life that you thought of me during your day.

3. My Dogs

I have two dogs, a small chihuahua and an over-sized miniature poodle (it’s mixed with a different breed of dog I just don’t know what). Every time I walk through my front door, whether it be from being gone all day or from being in our front yard for fifteen minutes, they always great me like I have been gone for too long and are ecstatic to have me back home. Sometimes, I’ll walk into the living room and the miniature poodle (or sometimes the chihuahua too) will look up at me and start wagging his tail, as if I was all he needed in the world. Besides that they’re both really cute and fun to play with. Maybe this is why they’re called man’s best friend?

4. My Family and Friends

They hold a special place in my heart and that will never change. Do I really need a further explanation for this?

5. Ice Cream

I love ice cream. I don’t think I could live without ice cream. It’s impossible. I’m not addicted or anything. I just like eating it whether I’m happy, or sad, or mad, or bored. It’s always a good time for ice cream. It fills this empty void in my life. Okay. Maybe it fills my empty stomach, but it’s almost the same thing, right?

 

These are just five things in life that makes me happy.

It’s the little things in life that make me really happy, and I never want to forget that.

 

*This list does not depict the importance of each thing in my life. The order of this list is random.*

What I Learned About Love According to Movies

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So its summer time and, seeing that I don’t go to summer school or have a job, I have a lot of free time. Before summer started I was hoping that I could do fun, productive things like go to the beach with friends, learn how to drive, maybe even exercise. Unfortunately, none of those have happened very often. I’ve probably gone to the beach twice, gone out driving once, and let’s not even talk about how little I have worked out (instead I’ve been eating).

So what have I been doing all summer with my free time?  I’ve watched movies. That’s it. Just been on my bed watching movies.

I know. It seems like such a waste of time considering its summer and I could be doing so much more with my free time. But I have actually learned a lot by watching movies. Many people seem to think that sitting down and watching movies are a great waste of time, but as I have learned this summer, movies and even TV shows teach great life lessons.

For example, from the movies Backwards and Pitch Perfect I learned that what makes you happy may be something you never expected and completely be different from what you always thought you wanted. From 13 Going on 30 I learned that we have to savor our youth and not take any short cuts because if we do we may lose who we are and grow up into someone we don’t want to be with a life we don’t want to have. From Easy A I learned that perpetuating lies to increase your popularity will backfire and you will lose friends on the way. From The Blind Side I learned that someone can truly care about some as if they are family even though they aren’t. From movies like The Avengers and Man of Steel I learned that New York may be beautiful, but it will almost always be destroyed in an apocalyptic way. From Resident Evil: Extinction I learned to always keep moving because staying in one place for too long attracts zombies (although The Walking Dead doesn’t really abide by that idea). From Zombieland I learned a whole bunch of rules to successfully survive a zombie apocalypse (I mean Jesse Eisenberg  managed to survive all by himself and he doesn’t really look like the average bad ass that you see in most zombie movies; in fact he seemed like a wimp in the movie, yet he managed to survive because he followed his own rules) and that traveling with people is risky but worth it.

These aren’t even everything I learned from movies. Maybe the last few things listed don’t really apply to our lives right now, but they are good for future knowledge.

The most recurring topic movies always taught me about was love. Love was a theme in almost almost everything I watched. At first I thought it was because of the genre’s I watched, but when I switched genre’s the theme of love was there again! It may not have been the main theme but it was still there! In almost all movies, someone either had to fall in love, realize they had been in love with someone, or realized they never fell out of love with the person in the first place. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind the fact that some form of love is always in movies but they have different endings every time! Love doesn’t always win, and it sucks.

I know, love is unpredictable and one movie can’t capture everything about love. But all these different endings to the love stories has confused so much! I mean, in one movie love conquers all and the couple you have been rooting for the entire movie end up together and live happily ever after. In another movie you watch the two people go through hell and back together, and in the process fall in love with each other only to have one die and the other have to live with a broken heart. Then there’s the one where the main character of the story has had a significant other for such a long time and out of nowhere their old high school sweetheart comes into the picture and turns their entire life upside-down. Then in yet again a different movie you have these two people that are so obviously meant for each other and they don’t end up together because they love each other and decided to let each other go find other love. (What is that? Who does that? Seriously? I always thought that if two people loved each other they would stay together. But apparently love doesn’t always work that way.)

Yes, I get it. They are just movies and to keep the public coming back for more the movie industry has to keep creating new stories, but all these different endings and possibilities are killing me.

I have never been in love, so I can’t say I know how it feels to be in love or how love works, but according to movies, love is unpredictable. When you’re in love you can experience the best moments in your life, but it can also put you through the worst moments. Love can hit you when you least expect it, and it has the worst timing. Love knows no bounds; it doesn’t matter if you’re single, dating, or married, when love comes around there is no stopping it. Love is magical; there is nothing like it in the world.

People are scared of it, but its sensible to fear love, because when you love, when you really love, you metaphorically start walking on this tightrope suspended up in the heavens. As long as you’re on this tightrope everything is fine. There might be some shaky moments, some heavy winds while you’re there, but you keep going because you have never felt anything as amazing as what you’re feeling right then and there, and that makes it all worth it, that is until you have to fall. You don’t walk into love. You don’t run into love. You might trip and stumble here and there but that’s not how you get to love either. You fall. That’s why they call it falling in love, because you have to fall in order to love. That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is you don”t even realize you’re falling until it’s already happened, and by the time you do realize it, it’s too late; unless you can fly, there is no stopping it. So think about it, you’re walking on this tight rope way up in the sky where, although there maybe some scary times, all is good, and then you realize that while walking on this tightrope you have somehow slipped and fallen. You look down and there is nothing there, except that one person you’ve fallen for. This is the scariest part of falling in love because now all you can do while you’re falling is hope and wish that the person down there is going to catch you. You see, when you fall in love you’re leaving yourself unprotected; there is no safety net when you’re falling in love, only the person you fell for.

Now you can do one of two things once you have fallen, you can either keep this to yourself or you can tell the person.

If you don’t tell the person, you’ll just continue to fall, just watching the person you’ve fallen in love with never getting closer to you, never knowing whether or not he or she would catch you if he or she knew you were falling. This all sounds bleak, but there is a sense of safety in this. It’s as if you’re kind of floating in limbo I guess; you don’t know whether or not they feel the same way about you as you do them, but you get to continue to spend time with this person, maybe not as a couple, but its better than feeling rejected and losing this friendship that you have built together. The thing is though, eventually the feelings always come out, whether it be during a drunken night together or a few days (maybe even the day of) his/her wedding. No one can keep feelings as intense as true love to themselves forever.

Once you do tell them, once again one of two things can happen: the person will either catch you while you’re falling (return those feelings of love), or they won’t. If a person loves you back, its great. This person saw you falling and they caught you. It’s amazing that they did. You guys will be happy together for a while, maybe even forever. You guys could decide to get married and start a wonderful family together, or you could decide to stay together without being married, either way is fine as along as you two are happy. This scenario is what everyone wants, that happy life together with someone they love who loves them back unconditionally. The sad part is, not everyone gets to experience that. People don’t always love back the people who love them, and you can’t always blame the person. Things can’t always turn out the way you want them to. Its part of life. Even if two people fall in love with each other, it doesn’t always mean happy endings. It may mean happy beginnings, but love doesn’t always end happily. Break ups happen, it can’t be helped. So when this person doesn’t, or maybe can’t, love you back as much as you love them for as long as you have you kind of just fall to the ground from your tightrope, and it hurts. Its not like falling into the arms of the person you love. There is no warm feeling that comes with it. Instead its cold, and it hurts. But you know what they say, you can’t help who you fall in love with, and there is plenty of fish in the sea. What they say, it’s all true, it makes sense, but it doesn’t help. It really doesn’t. Because out of all the fish in the sea, you fell in love with this one, the wrong one, and it sucks. A lot of people go through some sort of depression, whether it be a few days or a few months. On the bright side though, things almost always gets better. You kind of get to this point after a while where you’re brave enough to go out there again, where you’re willing to take that risk and walk on the tightrope again.

That’s the weird thing with love, you never know what it has in store for you, and as human beings we have this fear of the unknown; its what makes love so frightening. But with this unknown, there is a chance to be happy, to have the adventure of a life time. That’s why even though it can lead to getting hurt, people still fall in love everyday, because having a chance at pure bliss makes it all worth it, well according to movies anyway.

My Current Dilemma

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Have you ever had to do so much that you didn’t know what to do? Have you ever been so overwhelmed with things to do that the only thing you could do was to sit down because you didn’t know where to start? That’s exactly how I feel right now.

I have to look through, organize, and put away three boxes tonight. It may not seem like much, but I only have a small space to put things in and my slight OCD (its a self diagnosis) won’t let me just loosely organize my things. Seriously, sometimes I’m ridiculous.

Currently I’m thinking of just giving up. It’d be a lot easier. I could always just look through the boxes later when I need to instead of organizing everything now. Like they say, why do things today when you could put it off for tomorrow, right? Or did I get that saying wrong…

Anyway, right now I’m procrastinating by writing this. It is currently 7:24 pm. I estimate that it would take me at least 3 hours to look through the boxes, organize and put everything away, without distractions. But the slightly ADD side of me (once again a self diagnosis) won’t let me do anything for more than 10 minutes without getting distracted. That means that I won’t be done until maybe midnight tonight.

Even though its a lot to do though, I want to do it. Ever since I got back from college I have had the need to feel at home. A bit sad since I moved back to my home right? But the thing is that while I was in college I had my own room, granted it may have been a double which meant that I had to share a room. The difference between this room and my room back in college was that I had a place for everything over there. Here in my house,I share my room with my sister, but since it was originally my grandma and aunt’s room, all their things are here. I have a really small house so we all have to share the  space. I have probably about 5 x 3 square feet that I can call mine in this room. I have to make my space as homey and mine as possible since its the only space I have. Doing this is what I feel is the only way I can feel comfortable and at home in my own house and room.

Can you see my dilemma? I don’t want to clean, but if I don’t I won’t feel comfortable in my own house. I want to feel comfortable in my own house but I have so much to look through, organize, and put away that I don’t know where to start.

Oh well. I’m going to have to do this someday anyway, might  as well do this today.

I Miss It

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I miss being part of a team. I miss those long hours I would spend at my high school gymnasium, drenched in sweat, taking long deeps breaths right before I have to start running again. I miss lining up on the baseline, whether it was for warm ups or for suicides. I miss that feeling when you finally make a shot after so many failed tries. I miss blocking a shot or stealing the ball. I miss diving for a loose ball and the burns I would get. I miss waking up sore in the morning or after a nap because practice was too intense. I miss my coach yelling at me, not because I wasn’t good enough but because I could do so much more. I miss the bond between teammates. I miss walking into the gym with a big smile on my face because I get to practice with my team. I miss it. I miss it all.

You know, there’s nothing like it, being on a team. 

A team is like family, but better. Look, I get it. Nothing could replace family, and I’m not saying that a team can replace family. What I am saying is that a team is like family, just with different qualities. There is a different trust you have within a team, because when one teammate falls, the whole team falls. In a team everyone has to carry their own weight, have to carry the same load as everyone else. In a team everyone goes through the same trials, the same adversities, the same hardships, the same good fortune, and the same glory. Within a family, everyone leads their own lives, everyone takes their own paths towards different goals. People come from the same tree in a family and all branch out and reach out for different things. In a way, each family member waters a different tree to grow, a different dream they’re pursuing. But with a team, different people on different paths come together and forge one path towards a single goal that everyone is reaching for; they water a single tree,a single dream. In a lot of ways, teams can grow closer to each other than they do with family, and I think its because they want the same thing.

I remember, in my senior year of high school, I was part of the girls varsity basketball team. It wasn’t that long ago, its been about maybe two years? But anyway, that year’s team was different than any other team I had been on. I’d been playing basketball for my school since I was in seventh grade (although I skipped my freshman year because of a torn ligament) and I knew what it meant to be on a team. We go through everything together. We get yelled at together, we run together, we score together, we get the glory together. I knew what it was to be a team. But it wasn’t until my senior year in high school when I really knew what it felt like to be a part of a team.

Understanding and feeling are two completely different things. You can understand how gleeful someone could be after getting a promotion at work, but you can’t feel the excitement of getting a promotion after years of hard work. You can understand how crushing it must be to lose a loved one, but you can’t feel how devastating it is to say goodbye to your last grandfather who barely remembered who you were but still cried because he knew how special you were in his life.

So all these years, I had understood what it meant to be on a team, but I guess I never really felt how it was to truly be part of a team.

Let me tell you something, my senior year girls varsity team was crazy. We had a varied team that year, ranging from freshmen to seniors. I think we had three freshmen, two sophomores, three juniors, and five seniors. I’m not too sure about this, but I think I’m close. We were an interesting group that year. You would never have thought that such a diverse group of kids could mesh so well, but we sure did. We may not have been best friends out in school, but once we got on the court there was no tearing us apart.

We weren’t the perfect team though. Don’t get me wrong, we got along really well, but when it came to playing together, we were flawed. We had a lot of things to work on together, especially since we were all on different levels when it came to playing our sport. Some of us had more experience that others, some had more skill, and some just plain wanted it more than others. It was just some of those things that we should have worked on harder, but it can’t be helped. Things just happen. I’d like to think we did well though for the year. Our first half of the season was pretty darn good, we went 4-2. We had a chance at going to the tournament at the end of the season. It was too bad the second half of our season wasn’t as successful. We ended the season at .500, which was still good enough to get us to the tournament.

I remember our last game. It was against the private school Notre Dame, a team we really didn’t like. It wasn’t personal or anything. It was just that they played dirty, and one of their girls complained to the ref way too much and it got really annoying. All we wanted was to play the game fair and square, but they just liked to throw in some elbows and pull some jerseys to get their way. It was a nail biting game too. We were neck and neck all the way up to the last quarter. We did everything we could, someone even made a shot while they were on their knees. Was it a lucky shot? Maybe. Did it matter? Hell no. All that mattered was that we scored. Unfortunately, we just couldn’t win. It was a good game, and we did good, it just wasn’t good enough, and we ended the season 6-6, barely good enough to get a chance to go to the tournament.

I remember we still had practice the next day even though the game against Notre Dame was supposed to be our last for the season. We were expecting at least one more game though, since we qualified for the tournament. We practiced hard that day, and our coach (who was amazing at making speeches on the spot) gave us a darn goo speech that day, telling us our next game was going to be our last of the season, and our absolute last school game for some of us (he meant he graduating seniors) so we better give it our all during our next game. That Friday was our last practice for the season.

The Sunday of that weekend our coach posted on our team wall on Facebook. Turns out, we weren’t seeded for the tournament which meant we had to return our jerseys sooner than we thought. I’m not going to lie, I bawled my eyes out that night. I couldn’t believe it, my season had ended. I had played my last high school basketball game for the rest of my life. This was it. I was done. And then I started thinking of all the things I could have done, like maybe if I had just worked harder, stayed after more often to work on my game, gone to the park more to practice my dribbling skills, learn to shoot better, anything at all so that maybe we could have won one more game because maybe we were just behind one more game. I felt like I had let down my team and it was all my fault for not trying harder. I felt so horrible.

But then, after some time, I realized there was nothing I could do about it. What’s done was done, and I didn’t regret a thing. The only thing I could do was be thankful for having the good fortune to have met such amazing people and having the opportunity to be part of such a great, loving team.

Some of my favorite memories from my senior year was with that team. I remember this one time when we played UCLA with the freshmen and junior team. We were probably louder than the crowds that would go to our games. Everyone was yelling, telling the people on the court what to do, who was open, where the ball was. It was a sight to see. If it was in a movie, it would be the part of the movie where everything goes quiet and you just see a slow mo of everyone yelling and screaming, fighting for the ball, and then the camera kind of slowly circles around the main character who is just smiling idiotically, perfectly content, realizing that this moment was exactly what he or she was striving for during the entire movie, this is what happiness was.

I have gone back to my high school a few times and played basketball during open gym. I have to say, I have gotten better since I graduated. I’m not as afraid to bump into people anymore. Every time I go back and play, a little part of me, the little part that has been a little empty since my last practice with the team, gets just a little filled.

But f I could go back to that moment when we were playing UCLA, if I could just relive it, even for just one minute, I’d be perfectly happy. 

I Think I’d be a Good Aunt, Someday

I’ve always wanted to be one of those amazing grandmothers, or awesome aunts. You know what I’m talking about right? Like, those grandmothers and aunts that the kids always go to with things they are going through that they’re too scared of to talk to their parents about, you know? I’ve always wanted to be one of those cool aunts that the kids want to grow up being like, the one that travels and has an awesome tattoo. I’d be an example for the kids, be able to tell them what I went through, what to look forward to, what to avoid.

I think someday I would be a great aunt. I’m understanding, caring, and I’m relaxed, at least I think I’m all of these things. But I’m a little young to be an aunt, well to be a good one anyway. I’m only twenty. I don’t think I’ve really experienced enough of life to be able to fully understand and share things to younger kids. I think in order to be a good aunt, I have to figure out my life first, because how am I supposed to help people grow up and figure out their lives when I haven’t done that with my own?

I know, I’m still young, but I look forward to being able to be a good aunt someday.

A Short Introduction

Hello.

I am not a writer. I am not a literature fanatic. I am not an English major. I am no one incredible.

What I am is a person with many thoughts that never escape my lips. I am a college student without a major. I am lost.

Some people have blogs to educate people, to write reviews, to share their experiences. I am writing this blog to help me figure out who I am and what I want. I want to materialize my thoughts into words on this screen to sort them out because they are currently all too jumbled within my brain. Some of these thoughts, I’d like to assume, are brilliant, imaginative, and original. Then again, some of these thoughts are absurd or mundane and insipid. But these are my thoughts and my blog.

Now you know a little something about what this blog will have.